Red
by TimeToWriteIsHistory
Summary: Based off of CP Coulter's fic "Dalton." Julian can't take anymore. It's time that he's left for good. But when Derek forces him to confront what he's running away from, he can't control what happens, and everything he's built begins to falls apart.


**Disclaimer: Fox owns Dalton. CP Coulter owns Julian, Derek, and Logan. Yes, this is a "Dalton" fanfic. I am very much a part of the Coult. I sincerely hope I do the characters justice. This is my first time writing an angst fic and a slash fic, so I'm quite anxious to find out if I did well. I would appreciate it if you would review after you read. I hope you enjoy!**

Julian flung his clothes into the suitcase sitting open on his bed. Everything had been folded in his closet, but Julian hadn't been so careful as to make sure his clothing retained its neat state in his haste. Pants lay over the side of the luggage, crease lines visible. His shirts were sprawled over those, arms stretched out and messily crumpled. A pair of shoes flew over his head, one hitting the bed and one sailing far over it. When his closet was finally emptied, he turned around and faced the destruction. He gritted his teeth and fought the urge to groan, or yell. He could feel his face getting red in frustration and fought the tears that threatened to roll down his face. He began to pick up his belongings from their various landing places around the room, still moving quickly, but with more control.

Derek watched from the doorway as Julian dropped the newly reunited shoes into the suitcase. He noted the current state of Julian's bedroom, and the lack of organization that usually came with his packing.

"I'm not staying. I can't any longer."

Julian still stood with his back to Derek, but slowed down in order to listen to him.

"I know."

Julian let out a breath and moved to pick up some magazines his agent had sent him.

"I still don't think it's a good idea, though."

Silence.

"Will you at least tell Logan before you disappear?"

_The double meaning. Tell him I'm leaving for good. Tell him I– well, that._

"Tell him what?"

He could feel Derek's piercing stare.

"You know what I'm talking about. But I know you, so can you at least let him know you're disappearing before you go do it? I don't want to deal with the blow-up that will come when he finds out."

"There won't be a blow-up."

Derek made a noise of exasperation and moved into the room.

"Look. As much as you wish those feelings of friendship were more, the fact is that there are at least feelings of friendship. And Logan will be pissed if his 'friend' cuts off all contact without any notice whatsoever."

Julian began to deny the statement, but Derek cut him off.

"Don't lie to me. I know that's what you're planning on doing. You'll leave, making sure he doesn't see you, and won't answer any calls or texts from _any of us_, and when he starts to rage I'll have to explain that after this movie, there will be another one, and another one, and another one, and he'll start to yell at me because he'll realize that he won't be able to yell at _you_ for this mess because he won't ever see you again."

Julian blinked in surprise, not expecting anyone else to know Logan so well.

Derek shoved a cylindrical container into Julian's hands and he stared at it, clasping it experimentally with his fingers.

"These are his pills. His only container. Give them back to him. I don't care what you say to him, just say something. What and how much is up to you. But I am not going to deal with this by myself."

Derek walked out of the room with that self-assured stride. Julian rolled the container in his hands, consumed by his conflicted thoughts. He jumped when he heard something hit wood. He looked up and found Derek standing in his doorway yet again, his hand resting on the frame.

"And don't chicken out. No leaving it on his desk."

Julian glared at Derek, and while it succeeded in making the irritating boy leave his line of sight, he could hear Derek's infuriating chuckle, even as it grew fainter with distance.

Julian sat, staring at the pill bottle, gazing at the words on the label but not really reading them. For once, he let his feelings roam free. He let his thoughts fill his mind as he contemplated how he was going to do it. What "it" even was. How far would he go? Could he really say the words out loud, with Logan standing right in front of him?

He looked up abruptly when he heard a sound similar to Derek's "knock" earlier. He immediately saw Logan, leaning against the doorframe much like Derek had earlier. But there were differences. Logan was stiffer, less relaxed. He seemed to be expecting to hear something he wouldn't like. And, of course, Logan's perpetual storm of emotion brewing just underneath the surface. He could see the anger in the lines of his hands, the impatience in the movement of his feet, the frustration in the flickering light of his eyes. But his chest was moving steadily – a sign of calm, for the moment.

"Is there a reason Derek told me I was needed here?"

Logan's cool tone and clipped syllables made Julian wince on the inside, but he pushed that problem aside when he realized that Derek had sent Logan to him. Derek wouldn't interfere so much directly unless he had shown no signs of following through.

Julian looked behind himself quickly, and saw through his window that night had fallen. How many hours had he sat there, staring at the white plastic in his hands?

He put on a look of collectedness and started moving around the room again, muscles protesting quietly at moving again after so many hours of staying still. As he put more items in his suitcase, he gathered the courage say what he needed to.

"I'm going to do another movie."

"Is that all?" Logan sounded faintly surprised. "What's the part? I thought you said you wouldn't take any parts that were 'beneath you,' after last time."

Julian stopped for a moment, stunned that Logan had remembered that conversation. But, like always, he composed himself and moved on.

"I'm not coming back."

He heard nothing, and while tempted to turn around and look at him, he thought it best not to do so.

A long, drawn out breath.

"How are you going to finish school?"

Julian rolled his eyes, although it was more for his benefit than a comment to Logan, as Logan couldn't see it.

"Tutoring. Online enrollment. Same as I've always done on-set."

"Except that's all it's ever going to be. There's no return to Dalton. You won't wear a robe and cap and graduate with us."

Huh. He had never exactly thought about that. But he shrugged, not wanting to let Logan get to him.

"Oh well. There was always the possibility that wasn't going to happen. I wasn't going to stay in my 'awkward phase' forever."

He zipped up his suitcase and pulled it down to the floor. He started walking out of the room, but Logan stopped him.

"You always came back. Why not now?"

Julian's breath got caught in his throat. Those green eyes were boring into him, and not only had those captured his attention with their depth and electricity, he could feel the intense heat of Logan's hand on his wrist. But he stopped himself from getting swept up by the wave, and instead allowed his bitterness and anger to take over.

"Why so interested, Logan? Never bothered to ask anything before."

"You always came back. I never _had_ to ask anything before."

"So you just assumed I'd come back? I'd come running back to Dalton, this private school in the middle of nowhere?"

"_Yes!_ Where else would you _go_?"

"My life was never at Dalton."

"So Derek and I aren't a part of your life? These past three years of friendship have meant nothing to you?"

_Friendship_. The word stabbed Julian in the chest and tore its way through his heart.

"What _friendship_?" Julian spat out. "All _we_ do is fight. I don't think we've ever said one nice word to each other. What _friendship_ is based on hate?"

"God dammit, Julian! I never hated you!"

"You never loved me, either."

The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

Logan looked confused, something Julian couldn't recall seeing cross Logan's face before. He began to mouth the word "love," but Julian cut him off.

"Yes Logan, love, alright? And now that I've blown up your ego even more, I'll leave and let you get over yourself."

It took all his strength to play it down and cover his bare emotions with insults and taunts.

Logan had let go of him when he had let that shocking comment slip, so Julian took advantage of the moment and moved past the tall, blond boy, more eager than ever to leave.

But a hand caught his wrist again before he could move much further.

"How long, Julian?"

He stayed stubbornly silent, not moving, not uttering a word.

He felt a tug and fell sideways, dropping his suitcase. However, Julian was yanked up before he could hit the ground, and he found himself standing right in front of Logan, barely five inches between them. He looked up slightly and found those green eyes closer to him than they had ever been before, and realized belatedly how close their lips were.

"How long?" Logan whispered quietly, steadily.

Julian gulped and then cursed himself for showing any weakness. He tried to gather some strength, but found it had all fled him.

"Freshman year."

Logan let go of him abruptly, and Julian almost fell backwards.

"Freshman year. Since Freshman year," Logan repeated, visibly upset.

"Yes. And now that you've unearthed my deepest, darkest secrets, may I go?" Julian struggled to put his wall back up.

"And you never told me?"

"Why would I tell you, Logan?"

"Because– you– I–"

"You were always chasing someone else!" He burst out. "Why would I tell you, why would I stay here, when I just had to watch_ that_?"

Logan stared at Julian with a look akin to horror, finally realizing. "Every time…"

"I couldn't stay and watch. So I would leave. And I would come back when it was over. But there was always someone else. And I can't keep doing this. It's never going to be me." Julian finally let himself say it.

Logan now stepped close to Julian, with a tilt of his head that indicated curiosity. "Why is it never going to be you, Julian?"

Julian moved away when he noticed a familiar predatory glint in Logan's eyes, but he hadn't moved fast enough.

Logan grabbed Julian's arms and pushed him backwards, until he fell solidly against the wall.

"Why is it never going to be you?"

Julian was afraid, hopeful, anticipatory, nervous, joyful. The emotions tumbled through his mind, never stopping, overtaking each other, wrestling with each other for dominance. But he never just felt one. They were all there, and yet he could not think of them as Logan held him still and looked for an answer Julian was not prepared to give.

"Why couldn't it be you?"

And Logan's lips hesitantly fell on Julian's. The kiss was small, experimental. It lasted barely a second, but once it had happened, it couldn't be taken back.

Logan let go of Julian's arms and moved his hands to his face, fingers touching his cheek and grasping his hair as his lips captured Julian's once again. Julian, finding his hands free, grabbed at Logan's shirt as the kiss deepened. The heat that Julian had felt earlier, when Logan had captured his wrist, was multiplied. It had spread to his cheeks, his lips, his neck. His chest. His heart swelled with love as he finally got the kiss he had been desperately wanting the past three years.

They broke apart, gasping for air. Julian's hair was still threaded around Logan's fingers, and Logan's shirt was still bunched up in Julian's fists. Their eyes were closed, Logan's forehead resting on Julian's.

At last they let go of each other. Logan stood up, and Julian opened his eyes, almost afraid to see the consequences of his actions.

But whatever Julian had feared, it didn't exist. Logan looked at him with a new admiration, and a hint of satisfaction.

He took Julian's chin in his hand and lifted it up, kissing him softly. Logan laughed quietly as Julian let out an involuntary sigh.

"I was dumb, okay? It should have been you, from the beginning."

Julian smirked. "I might want to hear that, but you'll have to prove to me you mean it."

"Really?" Logan smirked also, recognizing a challenge. "We'll see about that."

He pulled Julian over to the bed and began kissing him deeply, letting out all the emotions that he stored inside. Julian smirked more, and leaned backwards, pulling Logan on top of himself onto his bed. This ending was more than he could have ever hoped for.

Logan pulled back for a second.

"Still leaving?"

"Never."


End file.
